Just A Few Weeks To Go!

Have you ever had one of those weeks where you just want to give yourself a pat on the back and a large bag of chocolate for getting through it? That was this week in a nutshell.

Here's the thing, I like to stay busy. As we saw earlier this semester, I do not do well with free time on my hands. (Idle hands and all that...) So when things started to pick up, I was excited. But, dear friends, there is a balance...and I have not found it just yet.

I have gotten myself into a situation where I am trying to put my all into everything I do, but we (as humans) cannot physically do that. We must pick and choose what to put our limited energies into. Unfortunately, I am a perfectionist and refuse for that to be the case, which is basically why I'm as stressed as I am.

This evening, I took a break by Skyping with Mom about schooling. (Both of us a bit stressed about getting to the end of the semester.) We came to the realization that the end is near. I have four weeks left (without including Thanksgiving) before I'm done.  I have five weeks left in Boston, Massachusetts. Seven weeks left in 2015.

That feels extremely long and short all at the same time. Has it really been over a year? I feel like I've just arrived and at the same time feel like I've been up here my whole life. It's crazy.

Good news! This Sunday I'm feeling a bit more put together. I have the blog post up, my video done. I'm going to be able to fit a run in and knock out things on my homework list. I just need to keep up this momentum of productivity.

Sometimes you need a harsh week to remind you how to balance.

Until next time,

Kaity

(Captioned : 7:50)

Waiting for My Second Wind

Lately, rereading my blog posts have been a bummer - and I apologize about that. I've been letting the little things build up and get to me. Here's the reality of everything - through the metaphor of running.

When you start off a race, you stand at the starting line, adrenaline pumping, eyes wide and heart full of excitement. You feel like you can take on anything - and you can! At least...for the first few miles. And then your side hurts. It's cool, it's cool. Just push through it; no pain no gain.

But then it's another part of your body. And then you can't breathe. And then you can feel how tired you're becoming and you just want to walk because, dang it, it'll get you to the end....just a whole lot slower than planned.

But, being who I am, I'm stubborn and I'm trying to push through. I know that just beyond this next bend (Christmas Break), there's a finish line waiting for me. However, right now it seems that I haven't gotten my second wind yet to get me around that bend. I'm stuck in pain, trying to convince myself that the end really is worth what I'm going through right now.

It might not be a metal to hang around my neck (actually - it's a very expensive piece of paper), but that's not what running the race is about. Yeah, crossing that finish line will be great - but the important part is each step that got me there, pain induced or not. Because without those steps, I would've have never moved from the start line.

Sorry that this post is so late - the week, of course, has been crazy. Last year of grad school is not the same as the last year of undergrad, apparently.

Also, if you're wondering - finally got around to sitting down and analyzing everything from my survey. Data does support my hypothesis!! YAY! Hopefully, near the end of the semester, I can show y'all exactly what I have been working on.

Until next time,

Kaity


P.S. I can't promise a video from last week right now. Honestly, right now I can't promise consistent videos at all - and that sucks. (I'm pretty sure more for me than you. I have fun making them.) But, sometimes, when life gets tough, you have to prioritize, and (because YouTube isn't paying me to make videos) weekly vlogs are at the bottom of the list. Hopefully I can get this one up at some point.

Inconsistent Consistency

Boy, howdy, I've been anything but consistent lately, haven't I?

This week has been a world wind of crazy. I felt that no matter how hard I tried to get ahead, I was always two steps behind the play Part of that was the fact that I was plum lazy and the other part of that was because my body was so confused from switching my work schedule from morning to night and all over the place that I just found my self exhausted when I wasn't sleeping.

However, that is in the past. It is time to move forward and start a new week. The wonderful things about weeks is that every seven days you have a chance for a better week. And every 24 hours you have a chance of making sure that your week goes right.

I am quickly realizing that 24 hours is not near enough time for me to do what I need exactly. In fact, it's at least six hours short of what I need. (Yes, I do mean to use those six extra hours for sleeping). I'm sure there was a point in my past where I realized this also - but it just seems to be a constant theme throughout the first semester of year two.

Wow, there were a whole lot of numbers in that last paragraph.

If you are thinking, wow, this blog post seems kind of rushed this week, you would be right. It is. I'm trying to stay on top of my game and knock out everything I write on my daily to-do lists. (Oh yeah, I got organizing down to an art - I'm just not always great with the actual doing of the things.) Monday's list is quite long because, well, I did not properly manage my time this weekend...or last week.

Oh, well. This week clearly will be better than the last. I mean, heck, it ends with Halloween!

Until next time,

Kaity

Out of the Fog

I'm back!

How much did you miss these posts? Bet you enjoyed them more than the amount of times I've been spamming the interwebs requesting people take my research survey. Speaking of - thank all of you for taking the time to complete it! I got double the amount of people I was hoping for! (Y'all can still take it, if you like. It's open through tomorrow night.)

There. That's it, the last you'll hear of me asking about the survey, I promise.

I've been a bit off my game the last two weeks. I don't fully know how to describe it - but it was kind of like walking through a thick fog. It took me a little while to refind my purpose (which was buried under some rocks in the corner of my mind) and really realize why I'm doing the things I'm doing.

This semester so far has just been really...odd. Being a part time student, one would think that I would all of a sudden have time on my hands, be able to become more involved in things. Turns out that's not how grad school works at all. Apparently, less classes means we should be able to handle more work - because clearly we don't all have jobs to pay for school or anything. Anywho - I complain but really I just need to find a balance.

In happier news, I finally went apple picking! I had a ton of fun with the Bayridge crew as we explored an uphill orchard (you read that right) and picked lots different types. I can't tell you what I actually got because to me, all of them are red. This video should be up soon - so keep an eye out!

Wow, this post is a whole lot of gobbledygook. Forgive me, I'm out of practice.

Until next time,

Kaity

(Getting Back To It)

 (6:45 and captioned) 

(Apple Picking)

(6:00)

Real Talk

Alright, real talk.

I don’t have a video for last week. I mean, I filmed stuff...but I haven’t edited it.  I haven’t done a lot of things that I wanted to do. It took me up to last night to finish a lot of stuff that should’ve easily been done last week.

It’s no big surprise that I have seem to have lost my mojo. I’m sure that it’s easy to tell from the short videos and the very...odd...blog posts that seem to ramble into the abyss.

Honestly, I’m struggling. I’m trying to find a point - something that makes waking up and going to work and continuing school worth it, because right now, knowing that an expensive piece of paper is heading my way isn’t working.

I need to feel like I’m doing something that not only betters myself but gives back to the community. I’ve been trying really hard to get more involved with things and work on aspects of my life that need to be improved...yet it seems all so trivial.

On the other side of this, if I don’t force myself to do these things and sort of trick myself into being busy, I would never leave my bed. I would curl up under the blankets all day and either sleep, watch netflix, read, eat - or a combination of those things.

In all honestly, I think I’m struggling with patience. I’m struggling with the idea of having to constantly do mundane tasks to improve skills and get to where I want to go. I want to have a book written by the time I’m 25. I want to be able to send people home made sketches of characters I have created. I want to work on my filming and get really good at it and create short films in the future. I want to teach kids and find ways to help improve educational programs that have us go back to focusing on students instead of tests.

I want to do a lot of things - but sometimes knowing that I'm not even close to the finish line, knowing that I’m only a few feet from the start, is more motivation to give up than to continue.

I am tired of all the half-finished projects that lay in the wake of my 23 years on earth.

So, it’s Wednesday. It’s halfway through a week that started off fairly bumpy - but I’m working on trying to turn that around. It’s got to start with an attitude adjustment, I think. There’s too much awesome in Wonderland for me to give up now.

Prayers, good vibes, and positivity would all be appreciated.

Until next time,

Kaity

A Personal Realization of Research

I would argue that this last week I functioned at about 75% (clearly - look how late this is posted) and was extremely uneventful - except for Pixar night. Which takes up the majority of the video...if you're wondering.

Actually, this week was great for coming to some conclusions about things.Specifically research.

For the first time, really ever, I'm creating my own research. Not a proposal that could happen in the future or finding a million and a half articles online and totally taking one or two quotes from an article to prove my point about something, a real live thesis-type thing. (Except it's not a thesis, it's considered a major paper so that we don't have to do a thesis and we're basically expanding off of someone else's research, so it's not just ours. In all honesty, it's a bit baffling. ) A mini-thesis, if you will.

I truly am excited to dive into the actual data collecting part of it all. The results might actually help in arguments when it comes to things involving state tests. As I am doing all the research, or really digging as deep as I can for any research on this topic,

 

I came to the realization that this isn't a simple semester project. What I'm looking into is scratching the surface of an iceberg of problems, and many times it feels like I'm starting an impossible task that I will never see the end of. (I'm sure I'm not alone in my responce.)

Having that overwhelming feeling for me is really intimidating and discouraging. I realize that this sounds a lot like procrastination, but it's a true reaction. It seems like by the end of the semester I'll be submitting something that says, "I have answered one question and created about twenty more."

But I guess that's research for you. Maybe research life isn't for me.

I came to another conclusion this week, but I didn't write it down and, therefore, have no clue what it was. Clearly nothing dire.

Until next week,

Kaity

(Captioned    Length:  6:10)

The Monobuttockular Week.

After last week you would think that I would have this amazing post that talks about everything I have accomplished and how I'm a solid seven spaces from Go. The honest truth is I'm only about three and a half.

That's right - I gave a huge speech about choices and moving forward and knocking out goals and totally did not follow through. I know that I disappointed myself and probably the few of y'all out there rooting for me to actually be productive with my time.

Ah, well...there's always next week.

Do I have an excuse? Nope.

To be fair, I did take some good steps forward. I'm getting better on my eating habits, I actually worked out three times this week. (Knee does limit the amount of cardio activity), I knocked out a good majority of my goals.....but, I also know that I can always do better.

Yup. That's about it for this week.

Until next time,

Kaity

Lovely screen shot, ain't it?

( Captioned ; 6:24 )