Real Talk

Alright, real talk.

I don’t have a video for last week. I mean, I filmed stuff...but I haven’t edited it.  I haven’t done a lot of things that I wanted to do. It took me up to last night to finish a lot of stuff that should’ve easily been done last week.

It’s no big surprise that I have seem to have lost my mojo. I’m sure that it’s easy to tell from the short videos and the very...odd...blog posts that seem to ramble into the abyss.

Honestly, I’m struggling. I’m trying to find a point - something that makes waking up and going to work and continuing school worth it, because right now, knowing that an expensive piece of paper is heading my way isn’t working.

I need to feel like I’m doing something that not only betters myself but gives back to the community. I’ve been trying really hard to get more involved with things and work on aspects of my life that need to be improved...yet it seems all so trivial.

On the other side of this, if I don’t force myself to do these things and sort of trick myself into being busy, I would never leave my bed. I would curl up under the blankets all day and either sleep, watch netflix, read, eat - or a combination of those things.

In all honestly, I think I’m struggling with patience. I’m struggling with the idea of having to constantly do mundane tasks to improve skills and get to where I want to go. I want to have a book written by the time I’m 25. I want to be able to send people home made sketches of characters I have created. I want to work on my filming and get really good at it and create short films in the future. I want to teach kids and find ways to help improve educational programs that have us go back to focusing on students instead of tests.

I want to do a lot of things - but sometimes knowing that I'm not even close to the finish line, knowing that I’m only a few feet from the start, is more motivation to give up than to continue.

I am tired of all the half-finished projects that lay in the wake of my 23 years on earth.

So, it’s Wednesday. It’s halfway through a week that started off fairly bumpy - but I’m working on trying to turn that around. It’s got to start with an attitude adjustment, I think. There’s too much awesome in Wonderland for me to give up now.

Prayers, good vibes, and positivity would all be appreciated.

Until next time,

Kaity