A Case of Homesickness

I'm going to be totally honest with y'all. This has been an extremely rough week.  I think that one of the worst things I did to myself was go home.

Here's why.

I am incredibly homesick. When everyone you know and love is in the southern part of the States (the majority living in Texas), the world feels especially large and lonely. And sometimes Skype doesn't cut it.

I'm really bad at making friends. I can truthfully tell you that I don't even know how I became friends with the people that I am with now. All I know is that there's a 98% chance that they were the ones who probably initiated it. I'm more of the keep-your-head-down-and-do-your-job type.

People terrify me. I live in constant fear that as soon as I try to befriend something, they're judging me or belittling me while I'm not there. (You can blame middle school and high school for that fear.) It's much easier for me to talk through text of some sort. It allows me to edit myself, to make sure I sound happy and say the right things. But in front of people, I choke. This, my friends, is also known as Social Anxiety.

I tried really hard to hide all my fears and sadness by staying as busy as possible through the week, but you can't really do that from feelings. They still find you and force you to face them. It isn't pleasant, but it's something that will happen eventually.

The video this week was just the icing on top of the cake. New computer (now bequeathed with the name of Scarecrow [see a theme coming?] ) doesn't have free editing software, so I've been trying to find a nice, free editor I can use for the future. I thought I found one, but I'm not willing to pay $20 to remove a watermark nor am I willing to spend more hours editing the video again. So, for this week, I'm sorry. I'll find a new system next week.

I'm also sorry to be playing the Doom and Gloom card. I know that there are other things happening in this world, but for me - it's not all sunshine and rainbows right now. And I, personally, would feel badly for lying to you and giving you the assumption that this chapter of life has been nothing but smelling roses the whole time.

Please understand I'm not posting this for advice or pity, I just wanted to be upfront about everything.

Hopefully this week will have more fun things in store.

Until next time,

Kaity

(film is captioned and 8:35)