I always seem to think better after a good run and a massive clean. Luckily, I was able to do both this weekend, but in reverse order.
Last Thursday was the first of two moves I will be making this month. I spent a good majority of the weeks before preparing by going through each and every little thing and deciding if it was worth keeping, donating, or trashing completely. Then, the few things that I had decided to keep went into boxes that went into cars that eventually brought me home.
Afterwords, for the first time in three weeks, I went for a run. It. Was. Marvelous. (and painful)
The pounding in my feet matched the beat of my heart and cleared the fog away from my brain - allowing it to analyze the things that I had packed away and my past moves over the last four years. It was about this time that I realized that I had become quite the unbearable cretin not only through the stressful change that is happening now, but through all the major changes of my life.
Moving to TWU.
Breakups.
Moving home from TLC.
Starting graduate school.
Moving out of my first apartment.
Moving to Boston.
I have treated people poorly and unfairly because I was not able to properly deal with the substantial amount of feels that were rampaging through my body. I snapped in anger; I held onto things and people too tightly; I severed friendships that I deeply miss.
I am not asking for sympathy, because I don't deserve it. I need to better control myself when I'm stuck in a neutral zone, the place between endings and beginnings. No one deserves how I treated them.
Dearest friends and family, if I have offended you in any way, I apologize from the depths of my soul. I ask your forgiveness in my attitude and my lack of control. Being human is not a good excuse for the mess I have created, but it is the only one I have.
I will work on becoming stronger and being a better all around human being. I ask for your help and prayers.
Thank you and all my love,
Kaity
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